One of the books that kicked off my read-o-rama was "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert. It is non-fiction and discusses a series of studies about predictors of happiness. Gilbert argues that our brains systematically misjudge what will make us happy. And these quirks in our cognition make humans very poor predictors of our own bliss. Essentially, he says that our assumptions about what will make us happy are often wrong.
Psychological Immunity
In Gilbert's study, people demonstrate they are not good at forecasting their responses to emotional incidents and tend to overestimate how long they will be unhappy following negative events. An interesting notion Gilbert writes about is premise of a "psychological immune system" which shelters people from the worst effect of their misfortune.
Most of us are not conscious of our psychological immune system for a couple of reasons. First, positive events can buffer the emotional impact of painful circumstances. And second, while under duress, people have an extraordinary ability to reflect on negative circumstances that happen to them in a positive manner. In a sense, it's a psychological defense mechanism that helps us cope.
Let's say you know about your imminent death. You will die in 30 days. How do you think you would handle such devastating news?
For me, I would feel absolutely destroyed. There are so many things I life I have yet to experience, people I have yet to meet and places I have yet to go to. After getting over the initial feeling of crushing devastation, I would think that I would not waste my precious 30 days wallowing in my own despair about the fact that I am going to die. This would be the ultimate opportunity to live. Not just live in the "breathing" sense but rather really LIVE. I would take the time to do all the things I have been to scared to do. Say the things I have been too afraid to say. And spend time with the people in my life that I truly love and care about. Why spend the last moments of your life a miserable bastard? So even though I would be facing death, I would try and make the experience as positive as possible.
I am not dying. Well, let me rephrase that seeing that we are all "technically" dying as we age. I do not have a terminal illness that I am aware of. What is holding me back from doing the things that I am afraid of right NOW? Why not live in the moment? "Carpe Diem" so they say?
The Price of Freedom
According to Gilbert, it is not only intense suffering that can trigger our psychological immune system but other triggers such as inescapability. Gilbert says, "When the experience we are having is not the experience we want to be having, our first reaction is to go out and have a different one, which is why we return unsatisfactory rental cars, check out of bad hotels, and stop hanging out with people who pick their noses in public. It is only when we cannot change the experience that we look for ways to change our view of the experience, which is why we love the clunker in the drive way, the shabby cabin that's been in the family for years, and Uncle Sheldon despite his predilection for nasal spelunking."
In today's day and age we have an unbelievable amount of choice. Globalization and technology has enabled and expanded our ability to choose. But is the freedom of choice necessarily a good thing?
In order to explore happiness in relation to choice, Gilbert conducted a photography course where the participants shot and developed photos and given the opportunity to take one home. Half of the participants were told they would be allowed to later change their minds about which photo to keep, the "escapable" group, and the other half were told that their choices would be final, the "inescapable" group.
Which group do you think were happier with their choice of photo, the "escapable" group or the "inescapable" group?
The results suggest the "escapable" group was more likely to regret their decisions and like their photographs less than those in the "inescapable" group. Even more interesting is that when a new group of participants were asked to predict if their contentment with their choice of photograph would be influenced by whether or not their choice was irrevocable or not, these participants predicted that escapability would not influence their satisfaction. Even though the study shows that inescapable and irrevocable circumstances trigger our psychological defenses to have a more positive view on those circumstances, we are not able to foresee that this will happen. And because we fail to recognize that inescapability will trigger our psychological defenses, we can end up making painful mistakes that jeopardize our happiness.
Now let's take this notion of choice one step further. A new group of photography participants were asked whether they would prefer to have or not to have the choice to change their minds about which photograph to keep and the majority preferred to have the opportunity to choose. Thus, the vast majority preferred to take a class where they would ultimately be unhappy with the outcome; a photograph they would be dissatisfied with.
"These results show how our penchant for freedom, opportunity, choice and leaving our bridges unburned can backfire," says Gilbert. "None of us likes the feeling of being trapped, so when given the opportunity to escape our commitments, we shrug and say, 'Sure, why not? How could it hurt to have a little extra freedom?' This study shows how it can hurt."
There is such a thing as too much choice. People believe choice is going to be good for them, when in fact it's not always. So the moral of the story... once you choose something, commit to it and don't look back otherwise you may end up with buyers remorse.
